Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Baby Boy with Calm Crazy

Well...we are in our new house now. We are still up to our eyeballs in boxes. We took the weekend off to visit with The Hubble's parents before they left Sunday afternoon.

Now, Little Butt and I are sick. She was throwing up on Sunday night and is just so sad. I hate to see my baby girl sick. But what can you do. Hopefully we will both be on the mend soon so we can get this house set up.

While Little Butt and I are resting and getting healthy again, I have Amanda from Calm Crazy here to keep you company! 

Amanda is the mommy of 4 boys. Yes...I said 4. Count them: 1, 2, 3, OMG FOUR! LOL!

I've asked her for a bit of advice in the rearing of boys section of the world since I'm very unskilled but will be needing the knowledge soon. Thanks for your post and your wisdom Amanda!

After you read her hilarious post, head over to her blog and give her some love...but tell her I sent you!

So your baby has a penis.  Life will never be the same.

Chances are that your son will show off his favorite body part almost immediately upon entry into the world.  How do I know?  Three of my four boys peed on me within seconds of being born.  It was like they wanted to make sure everything was in working order right away. 

“Whew!” I imagined them thinking, “That’s a relief.  Now what am I supposed to do?  Oh yeah!  Breathe!”

And really?  It’s all downhill from there. 

My husband (Jason) and I split childcare pretty evenly.  That is to say that he’s not changed too fewer diapers than I have.  However, he has not been “showered” nearly as often as I!  I think that is extremely unfair; he, of course, thinks it is a riot.  With four boys, you would think I would have gotten better over time—but that isn’t the case.  My youngest peed on me just as many times as my oldest did. Maybe more.  I think Jason has had better luck because he has more, er, experience dealing with things in that area.  He tells me that I’m just a slow learner. 

Maybe he’s right but, in my defense, it only took me one time to learn that placing the baby’s bath on the kitchen counter while dinner is being prepared is a bad idea.  This is especially true if baby is “pointed” in the general direction of said dinner.  (Let’s not discuss the fact that this happened with boy #2.  This story already makes me look bad enough!)

On the plus side, things start looking up around potty training time. Many boys are pretty enthusiastic about potty training.   Throw some circle-shaped cereal into the toilet and let your son “shoot the target”.  (Just don’t actually expect this early target practice to improve their aim later on—seriously.)  Or, like my mother-in-law, you might find it easiest to encourage them to “whip it out” and let loose outside.  Boys find it endlessly fascinating that they can pee outside.  Trees, flowers, ants, windows, puddles…nothing is safe.  Of course, it would have been nice to know that this method was encouraged before the neighbor’s daughter came running around the house yelling, “He’s peeing in the yard!  He’s peeing in the yard!”  (Y’all laugh, but I’m not a country girl.  I didn’t know people encouraged kids to pee outside until that happened!)

Should I talk about ticks?  No, that’s probably best left to your imagination.  (Oh, yes.  We have dealt with this.  And recently.)

Yep.  Your life is really and truly about to change—and all for the better.  Manna, I am so incredibly over-the-moon happy for you and your family.  This little boy is going to add so much love and laughter to your lives; being the mom to a little boy is a special and wondrous thing.  You are going to do great.  Thank you so much for asking me to write a guest post for you—I am honored.  I hope the move is going well and I can’t wait to read all about it once you get settled.

P.S.  Start stocking up on bathroom humor now.  It will make you very popular during the early school-age years.
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