Saturday, July 9, 2011

Frustrated, Incorporated

I'm going to warn you right now. You should not keep reading this post if you don't want to hear/read me complaining.

So enter at your own risk.

I usually pride myself on being an understanding wife.

When Little Butt was a couple weeks old, I had no problem with The Hubble taking off for a concert a couple hours away.

I have held down the fort for many a boy's night and I rarely get to have any time to myself.

I'm not a jealous wife. I laugh about the fact that The Hubble meets up with females whom he used to go to school with. Yes, I tease him about going out on a "date" but it's all in good fun.

I have no problem when I hear that he goes out with a group of girls. Or goes out drinking with the guys.

As you know, The Hubble is away from us right now. He's in a training program where we will only see him for a week before he deploys at the end of this year.

Now, I know it was my choice to be in Texas instead of being with him for these several months that he's in Tampa. I figured, why be stuck in Tampa alone with Little Butt and a new baby when he deploys??

Usually, I'm okay with our situation. This is what we chose right??

And like I said, I have heard all the stories of him going out. I listen to the detailed description of clubs that he goes to. The people he hangs out with.

But mornings like today just...oh my goodness. The only thing I can think to say is that mornings like today really eat my nuts.

Mornings when Little Butt wakes up from a bad dream calling for her Daddy. She cries and tells me that she wants to give him a hug and a kiss. I tell her there's nothing he wants more than to be with her and that we can call him.

So we do...

We call him.

And guess what!

He's hung over.

He can barely talk or function because he had a night of drinking last night and he has to "get the wheels going."

Then he tells me he'll call me later tonight.

Oh really?? You are going to be able to call me while you're out bar hopping???

Yes, he says. He'll call before that.

Yay! He will spare a moment for me before he goes out. How kind.

Like I said, normally, I don't care. He's a big boy and he'll figure it out.

I know how lonely and depressing it is to go back to an empty apartment and all you want to do is find something to do. So you drink away the weekends hoping they will race by in a blur.

That was me during The Hubble's first deployment. There was rarely a moment when I was home. If I wasn't at work or stopping to watch a mind numbing movie, I was on the run with friends. He was in a war zone and I was living it up.

But today is hard for me. Today is hard for Little Butt. Which makes it hard for me as her mommy.

Do I sit there and cry with her or try to get her to be strong??

All I know for sure is that I needed to rant.

I love The Hubble. He's a great father. And I know he would give anything to be here with his baby girl. But he can't.

And let's remember folks...I'm 34 weeks pregnant. Crazy. Hormonal. And tired. Blah!

Thanks for "listening."

End of rant.
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