Wednesday, December 14, 2011


My thoughts feel very erratic lately.

I've wanted to blog for days...about different things...but my thoughts won't form into words and sentences.

It's annoying.

Anyway. I took Baby N to get his skull x-rayed today.

I keep thinking about his poor little neck and how he doesn't use it as well as he should.

He's gotten a lot better. He's sleeping right now and his head is facing left all on his own. But it's not completely there yet.

And his head is flattened a bit. The doc says it wouldn't be a huge concern if not for his forehead is starting to jut out a bit.

So I took him today to get x-rayed. The order was a STAT order so I thought I would have heard from his doctor this afternoon. I didn't.

But from what it sounded like when he went to his 4 month check up, he's probably going to need a helmet.

I keep thinking that I should stop stressing about this. It's fine. Lots of kids have helmets.

I should be grateful this is the major problem. I have friends who have faced unspeakable tragedies. In the grand scheme of things, this is trivial. I should be grateful.

So why does it make me want to cry?

How do I not blame myself?? How do I not wonder if there was something more I could have/should have done?

I know I haven't been doing his stretches like I should. I haven't been working with him. I've been busy. Or I forget. I'm so annoyed with myself.

Oh well. I can't change it. I just have to keep trucking along and take things as they come. If he gets a helmet, he gets a helmet. It's for the best.

He is a big boy though. Like I said, he went to his 4 month check up last week.

He weighs 15 pounds 14 ounces (70th percentile) and is 25.5 inches long (72nd percentile). He's not fat...just big. People are always shocked when they hear he's just four months.

He also had rice cereal for the first time last night. He did really well and liked it a lot. I actually came away from it clean. I did have to hold his hands though since he wanted to eat those along with the cereal.

He fared pretty well too.

He had cereal with his bottles today and he only ended up eating 4 times today. When he had cereal and a bottle he ended up going 4 to 5 hours between feedings instead of the normal 3 to 4. 

And yes, I know it's kind of early to be feeding him (most babies nowadays wait until 6 months) but the doc even agreed that the poor boy needs more to eat. 

Well, that's the update on Baby N. Maybe getting these thoughts out will help me sleep. I haven't really been doing much of that lately. Wish me luck!
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