And I Miss You {Project 365: Day 39}

I know, I know. I said I would catch up with my last post.

But I wanted today to be a solo post.

Because I actually wanted to write something and didn't want it all wrapped up in a catch up post.

We took Baby N to his 6 month well baby check up. He is now 17 pounds 12 ounces (55th percentile) and 28.5 inches (99th percentile). So his weight is evening out but he grew THREE INCHES in the last 2 months. Crazy!!

He's getting so big!

I can't stop thinking about how much The Hubble is missing right now.

Baby N is starting to get up on his hands and knees and launch himself forward.

He's been rolling all over the place and is growing like crazy.

I know he's going to be crawling soon.

And The Hubble is missing it.

Baby N babbles ALL.THE.TIME. And The Hubble can't hear him.

Not only that, but Little Butt is so smart and learning so much in school!

She can already count to 30. She recognizes numbers 0-9 when they are written. She knows all the upper case letters, 25 of the lower case letters (she confuses d with b), and knows the sounds of 25 letters (gets confused with i).

She has so many questions. So many interest.

And The Hubble is missing it.

Not only that, but we are missing him...

I had a hard day yesterday. Knowing that Baby N is already half a year old and he doesn't even know who his Daddy is.

Little Butt has been missing him like crazy lately.

I picked her up from school a week or so ago and found out she had been pretty emotional that day and ended up crying because she missed her daddy.

She sat in my lap and cried last night because she misses her daddy.

And today...today she carried around a picture of the two of them. Literally, she took it everywhere with her.

She took it to the doctor's office with her this morning.

She took it to school with her this afternoon.

I had placed it in a pocket of her backpack when she went to school but when I picked her up, it was in her hand and she was showing people.

She's so sweet.

He has not been living with us for almost 9 months now but we aren't even close to being done. Technically, we are still at the beginning.

I feel as though the ache...the emptiness...keeps growing each and every day.

There are only so many things that I can add to our schedules to keep us busy enough not to notice.

But we do notice.

We notice when he isn't at birthday parties that Little Butt is invited to.

We notice when he isn't shopping for furniture or Valentine's Day cards with us.

We notice when we go to doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, or to pick out Little Butt's star prize at the end of the week.

We notice.

The void is impossible NOT to notice.

He called on Sunday. We really needed that call. But we missed it...

And we noticed...

And So It Begins...Again

"Your call will end in 30 seconds."

We all know those words don't we?

How you rush through with the "I love you", the "give my love to the kids", and "can you call my parents and let them know?"

I talked to The Hubble about an hour or so ago.

He made it safely over to...wherever.

I honestly have no idea where he is or what he's doing. What's funny is neither does he. He won't know where he's going to be or what his assignment will be until he gets "there."

Who knows.

All I know is that boots are on the ground.

The countdown begins now.

365 days.

1 year.

And yes, I know there will be an R&R in there somewhere. But I have no idea when.

I have not one clue when I will see my beloved again.

All I know is that every time someone unexpected comes to my door, my heart will nose dive into my toes as I shakily walk toward the door.

I was looking through the pictures of our recent time together. Wouldn't you know that they are all of the kids. We have no pictures of The Hubble with the kiddos.

The most recent picture I have of him is this self portrait I found on the camera.

I guess that will have to do for now.

A Tale of...Laundry

Once upon a time...I wrote a blog post about laundry.

That was when I introduced you to Bill & Peggy; the family members that almost made The Hubble and me to divorce.

I also explained the right (mine) and wrong (his) ways to fold and put away laundry.

Well...

After that post, I was doing laundry with The Hubble...again (don't ask me why I put myself through this kind of torture). I realized that it was going to end in...well...something bad. So I walked away. And he just kind of became in charge of the laundry.

Well, now I have another problem....

The Hubble is gone now. He's not here to do the laundry. And I no longer seem to be capable of doing it myself.

So let me tell you what happens with the laundry nowadays.

The clean laundry stays in the basket. Some days I pour it out onto my bed so I can find something (usually something essential like underwear). Then it goes back into the basket when it's time for bed.

If I do actually sort the laundry, it ends up in a neat pile on top of something, like the new pack 'n play I bought for Baby  N.

And the other problem, if you notice on the floor next to the pack 'n play box...

And the pile of clothes here on the floor next to the laundry basket...

And the pile of clothes on The Hubble's nightstand...

Since my laundry basket is full of clean clothes, I find varied and interesting places to hold my dirty laundry.

I guess I need to find my stride and figure out how to do laundry again huh??

Is there a household chore you have trouble figuring out how to do on your own when your soldier is gone??? Or am I the only one here???

Daddy Box and Song of the Week

Don't forget to enter my giveaway HERE if you haven't already!



A few months ago, I saw this idea for a deployment box on Household6 Diva's page.

I loved the idea so much that I knew I wanted to do this with Little Butt and The Hubble before he took off.

See...this box is basically a blank craft box (the huge one Little Butt picked out was like $4). The kiddos and parents decorate the box and talk about the soldier's impending absence from the family.

Throughout the absence, the soldier sends things home to the kiddo and the kiddo puts these things in the deployment box. So whenever kiddo misses soldier, they can go to their box and look through the things that have connected them through the absence.

Cool huh?? So we had to do it of course!

We started with the box. We first got Little Butt excited about the whole experience by letting her pick out the box and the stickers that would go on it. I picked the letters and "wrote" the I Love Daddy on the front of the box.

The Hubble tried to explain the first item that was going into the box. He had printed a map and was showing her where he was going to be compared to where she is. However, Little Butt was very distracted by the lovely, blank box sitting in front of her so she didn't really want to listen.

So we started decorating! We made dots with different paint colors and attached her stickers. She chose where everything went and we just helped a little bit.

She was so proud when it was done!

Look at that sticker detail! And you KNOW this kid chose the dinosaur stickers. LOL!

Look at all that detail. Isn't her box so pretty???

In honor of daddy and daughter, my song this week is their favorite song together right now. This was a big family favorite before The Hubble left but it has definitely turned into their song. They sing it on the phone together. They are just too cute.

Enjoy!!!

If you want to link up and join the dance party, just head over to Goodnight Moon and start grooving

How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 3

A couple weeks ago I did a guest post for Kris Goes Crazy because she was looking for answers about how best to help her good friend who is deployed right now. I think this is such an important topic that I wanted to feature this post on my blog as well. After writing the guest post, I realized it was a lot longer than I had anticipated so I'm going to feature it in a 3 part series of posts. If you have already read it, feel free to skip over these few posts. Thanks for your patience and support of not only me and my blog but also our military!

Part 3:

In the last two parts of this series I have talked a lot about how you can support a soldier and the soldier's spouse.

Let's face it though. As Amber from Goodnight Moon put it...everyone gets wrapped up in their own lives and these soldiers and spouses aren't always at the forefront of thought for most people. And that's okay too.

All we ask is that those around us be a bit sensitive and understanding of our different situation.

With that being said...there is no reason that you (whether you are a spouse, family member, friend  or stranger) do what you can and only that. So this leads me into part 3 of my support series.

Photo by Jhong Dizon

Here are some tips on how to support a friend during deployment if the friend is you.

• Give What You Can ~ I know I’ve talked a lot about what you can give to a soldier and a spouse during deployment. But you can only give what you can give. No more. No less. If you are being pulled in too many directions, do not try to give more than you are able. People can tell when other’s are not being genuine. If you are trying to support someone because that’s what you are supposed to do, not what you want to do, then please let someone else do it.  

• Know Your Limits ~ If you have never been involved with the military it can be difficult. Heck, it’s difficult for me. Do not be afraid to set boundaries and know your limits. Let the soldier and or the spouse know the type and extent of information you would or would not like to know. If you do not think you can handle knowing that the soldier was in a fire fight, set that boundary. You are well within your rights to set those boundaries and to expect others to maintain them. One important question The Hubble asked me during one of our early phone calls during a deployment was how much I wanted to know. I made the right choice for me and you can make the right choice for you. 

• Fill Your Time ~ If you ever really analyze how a soldier’s spouse and or children fill their time during deployments you will often note that they hardly stop moving. Parents enroll children in almost every activity and sport imaginable. During a deployment pre Little Butt you would rarely find me at home. I would work longer days. I would go out at night. I would hang out at work after my shift just to not be alone. Just to not stop and think about the situation. It never gets easier. You just do what you have to do. At a certain point your life develops a new routine. But the ache never stops.

For Further Reading Check Out:

• How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 1
• How to Support a Friend During Deployment Part 2
  

How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 2

A couple weeks ago I did a guest post for Kris Goes Crazy because she was looking for answers about how best to help her good friend who is deployed right now. I think this is such an important topic that I wanted to feature this post on my blog as well. After writing the guest post, I realized it was a lot longer than I had anticipated so I'm going to feature it in a 3 part series of posts. If you have already read it, feel free to skip over these few posts. Thanks for your patience and support of not only me and my blog but also our military!


Part 2:


Many people are needed during a deployment to help the deployed soldier. These people range from friends, family, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances and even strangers. A myriad of support systems and programs are in place to help the soldier "muscle" through deployments.


However, the other side of this are the loved ones who get left behind. What happens to the soldier's spouse and family when the soldier deploys?


Yes, there are FRGs (Family Readiness Groups) but spouses often need just as much support from friends and family as the soldiers do.


I recently read a post by the beautiful and amazing Mowenackie where she answered a question about what she wished she could teach civilians about deployment. Her answer was spot on. We spouses (and significant others) have trouble reaching out and asking for help. In times of need we are often left feeling lost to be able to lift our heads above water and say "I need someone, I'm lonely." We would never do it.


A few days before the post I just talked about, Mowenackie wrote a heart wrenching post about how she had A Hard Day. She definitely could have used a friend to call her up at that time and invite her out for ice cream.


Luckily, I can use Mowenackie and her wonderful blog to illustrate today's part of my series.

Here are some tips on how to help a friend during deployment if the friend is the spouse of a soldier:

• Be Present ~ One of the most important things to me was when a friend would be there for me. Each of us has our own way of dealing with things. But each time The Hubble has deployed, that friend that comes over the first day he’s gone and orders pizza and answers the door for me is the one that means the most. A spouse of a deployed soldier needs to fill time and having a friend to share that with is very important.

• Call ~ When a soldier is deployed, a spouse is lonely. Amazingly lonely. Sometimes a simple phone call and a “how ya doin’?” is enough to get us through another night, another day. Just as the soldier should not be forgotten, neither should the spouse.

• Be Sensitive ~ This one is an extremely valuable lesson to learn. Please be sensitive to the situation the spouse is in. Let me tell you about a phone call I received from a “friend” while The Hubble was gone. One day, around 8 months into the deployment, I posted on Facebook about how much I missed The Hubble and wished he was there right then. Now, I don’t do this often, but sometimes it hits you harder than others. So, this “friend” calls and proceeds to tell me how I should not miss The Hubble because men are nothing but trouble. She told me about how she was annoyed at her husband and I should be happy The Hubble wasn’t around. Really? Please, do not ever, under any circumstances call a spouse of a deployed soldier and tell them they should be happy. To tell you the truth, I would give anything to have every piece of The Hubble, especially the annoying parts, just to have him safe and home. I will never find myself lucky or be happy that he is fighting for his life every moment of every day. 

For Further Reading Check Out:

• How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 1
• How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 3

How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 1

A couple weeks ago I did a guest post for Kris Goes Crazy because she was looking for answers about how best to help her good friend who is deployed right now. I think this is such an important topic that I wanted to feature this post on my blog as well. After writing the guest post, I realized it was a lot longer than I had anticipated so I'm going to feature it in a 3 part series of posts. If you have already read it, feel free to skip over these few posts. Thanks for your patience and support of not only me and my blog but also our military!

Part 1:

Growing up in the military I have never thought about what it meant to be an “outsider.”  This lifestyle has always been a part of me. Though I never intended to become an Army wife, sometimes life deals you the hand you are most capable of playing.  Therefore, it wasn’t surprising to me or anyone else in my family that the college boy I fell in love with turned out to be a soldier through and through.

Though I have always lived this life, I must tell you it still isn’t easy.  Being the daughter of a soldier and being the wife of a soldier are two completely different animals.  However, I do believe that my childhood experiences helped train me, so to speak, to embrace and succeed within my role as an Army wife.
The military’s acceptance and inclusion of a soldier’s spouse and children has come a long way in recent years.  Once upon a time the idea of a FRG (Family Readiness Group) was unfathomable.  Nowadays spouses and children have a plethora of resources available to assist and support them through PCS (Permanent Change of Station) moves, military living, and deployments.

Unfortunately, the system is not perfect and most times friends and extended family are left spinning without knowledge of how to survive a loved one’s deployment.  I think it is important that we acknowledge and value the integral role friends and family play in not only a deployed soldier’s life, but the lives of the soldier’s spouse and children’s lives as well.  Sadly, many friends are just not aware of how they can help or what they can do to support the soldier, the spouse and themselves during times of deployment.

Photo by The U.S. Army

Here are some tips on how best to support a friend if the friend is the soldier:

• Communication ~ The old saying “communication is key” is a lesson that should definitely be heeded. Most of the time, the soldier just needs a little piece of home. The soldier needs to know that the people left behind love and care for him or her. Communication is often a life line for a homesick soldier. Even if the soldier does not respond, keep writing…they are reading. Communication can be implemented in several ways and only takes a few minutes a day or can be something as simple as a half hour each week. Here are some ideas to keep communication open with a  soldier during deployment:
• Hand written letters
• Emails
• Cards (birthday, holidays, etc)
• Pictures

• Care Packages ~ Nothing says “I’m thinking about you” like a box full of goodies. Care packages should be personalized to the particular soldier. If you ask for a list of interests there are many things that can go into a care package. If you work in an office, you can hang a list of interests and people can donate goodies to the soldier. One tip is to get a flat rate box from the post office and grab a handful of customs forms. The flat rate boxes will cost the same amount no matter the weight so you can stuff them as full as possible. Also, as you place items in the box, write them down on the customs form so you won’t have to go back through the box to fill it out later. Here are just a few ideas of items to send in a care package: 
  
  
  
  • Magazines
  • Books
  • Music CDs
  • Snacks (candy, chips, gum, crackers, beef jerky, etc.)

• Listen ~ Though we don’t have a lot of control over how much the soldier can communicate with us, you can still make sure the soldier knows you are there to listen. Try to answer the phone as much as possible when he or she calls. When the soldier calls or writes, be responsive. Even if you don’t know what to say, just listen. And if you have to say anything, say “thank you.” Thank you for fighting. Thank you for standing the 125 degree weather. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for doing this so I don’t have to.

• Talk ~ Please, whatever you do, don’t stop talking! Let me share my experience with you. When The Hubble would call home I felt guilty every time. All I would do was sit on the phone with him silent at the other end and I would babble. Or I would be busy talking to Little Butt. After each phone call I would kick myself because I never really let him talk. I thought “doesn’t he need to get things off his chest?” I finally came to realize that he needed me to babble on incessantly. He needed me to converse with Little Butt. Me talking about my, what I deemed trivial, day-to-day life allowed him a kind of escape from the daily horrors and frustrations he was facing. It gave him a sense of belonging. Of being part of the family.

• Share ~ Don’t hide things. I have been known to be guilty of this as well. There is a fine line here though. Let me explain. A soldier is under a tremendous amount of stress when deployed. He or she does not need to hear about the things that are inevitably falling apart at home, right? In a way, yes. But in a way, no. They need to know. You don’t want to hide things or leave them out. But instead of crying your eyes out and unloading on the soldier, fix it first. Deal with the problem then unload and let them know you got it. One of the most frustrating things for a soldier is not being around to help when the going gets rough. We just need to be able to do it tactfully. Make them feel included, but not overburdened.

For Further Reading Check Out:

• How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 2
• How to Support a Friend During Deployment: Part 3